Comfort Zone

I recently celebrated a really fun Indian festival called Holi. Think color,water,music, food and if you really want to go all out, you drink the extremely delicious and potent 'Bhang',a  milky drink containing..ahem..weed.

Any Indian kid growing up in India has got to have experienced this at least once. In the Bay area, Asha organized this event at Stanford, Palo Alto, with lots of color, water, music and Indian food. Check out the link

http://www.ashanet.org/stanford/events/holi2010/index.html

I went with a bunch of friends and had a great time. As expected, we all got separated once we entered, but that didn’t stop me from having fun with total strangers. Maybe it was the festive season, the great weather or the feeling of merriment that made me have some unbridled fun.

Or maybe it was the fact that I was colored up and felt liberated :) . When I think about it now,I am surprised at myself and the fact that I was comfortable in a strange surrounding with non familiar people. Most people are uncomfortable mingling with total strangers and letting their guard down unless there is some sort of social lubricant, usually alcohol. Having a drink makes it so much easier to blend with a strange crowd and have fun.

Once the color rubs off though, your guard is automatically back there and you go back to the familiar. But sometimes, you end up with something new – a new friendship, a new perspective, a new sense of confidence.

It’s kind of like having a one night stand. The general opinion is that, people tend to regret it once the effect of the alcohol wears off. However, there are cases, less known for sure, but there are cases, where you end up with something new by exploring into the unknown.

The point is, getting out of your skin and doing something new doesn’t always bite you. It’s easy to stick to what’s safe and not put yourself in a position to regret something, but taking risks is what makes the whole game exciting. And excitement shouldn’t be under rated. Being comfortable feels good and easy, but it also stops you from growing. Being comfortable makes you feel like the king of the small pool, but it also restricts you to just the pool. Getting out there into the ocean might make you more vulnerable to shark attacks, but also gives you the opportunity to experience something you didn't know existed.

If you need a little color or alcohol to be uninhibited, then by all means, go for it. Keyword being little. Walking piss drunk into a bar with color all over your face is not going to be a pleasant experience. But hey, it'll be something new :)

**Disclaimer: This article in no way promotes casual sex or one night stands!

The Nice Guys

I was speaking with a friend of mine a few days ago and she was updating me on her love life, or rather the lack of one. She ended things with her current boyfriend because he was “too nice”. Now, I know I put too nice in quotes, but I do understand her statement. I almost never hear girls say they are attracted to the nice, sweet responsible guy. We always seem to want the badass, mysterious guy who we know is going to hurt us and leave us to pick up the pieces.

From the time we were young and thanks to numerous romantic movies, I think every little girl pictured her knight in shining armor riding up on a white horse, swooping in at the right moment to rescue us. Rescue us from what? That, I don’t know. Maybe a life too mundane, too difficult, too lonely.

We grow up and when this fantasy doesn’t turn into reality, we are disappointed. We think life is unfair and we have been deprived of our prince.

I always thought, maybe the reason the elaborate fantasy isn’t working out is not because there is no knight in shining armor riding up to you on a white horse, but maybe because you choose a motorbike over the horse and the the bad biker in the leather jacket over the knight in shining armor. Ever think of that?

On the same note, I wanted to take a minute to thank all the nice guys out there:

Thank you for being a good friend and not taking advantage of us when we were confused and drunk that one night
Thank you for being responsible and making sure that we didn’t lose our purses in the crowded bar
Thank you for being a shoulder to cry on as we moan about the bad boy who broke our heart.

You are under appreciated and over looked and I firmly believe the world needs more people like you.

My point is, it isn’t always fate or destiny if things don’t turn out like you expected. It isn’t fair to categorize the entire male population as evil and decide you are the victim. It is because somewhere along the way, you decided to pick something else.

My suggestion: The next time you are approached by a nice, sweet guy, appreciate the fact that he has mustered the courage to come talk to you, to compliment you and is interested in actually getting to know you. Pretty soon, the bike gets too rough to ride on, and you’ll wonder if that horse wasn’t that slow after all! :-)

Space theories

I think that by far the most over used word in a relationship is the word "space".

I need space
I think we need some space
Give me space

Phsycailly, emotionally, mentally. And its the one thing that hits home pretty hard for most people. The fact that someone demands space from you denotes that you're stifling them.

When used correctly, space is a good thing. It's a positive thing. Having space in a relationship denotes that you are comfortable, secure, strong and capable of doing things on your own.

However, this term is used so loosely now that it feels like a negative thing. Whenever things get tough, the single line "I need space" is enough to push the other partner away and alter things so profoundly that makes it impossible to go back to the "good space" - the comfortable, secure relationship that you were in.

More often than not, "space" leads to being on a break and finally, in my opinion, a break up. I know of successful couples who made it work after a break.But, is it because, the break was really good for you? Or because you felt the need to find out what else was out there after a while and having found nothing, decided to come back?

Relationships are made to move forward, not backward. You meet someone, you date, you become exclusive, you spend more time together, you get married and so on. If you're at the exclusive stage, how is it helpful to start dating other people? Similarly, if you're with someone and you decide to take a break, how is it making your relationship stronger?

One of the major differences between men and women is: Women always want something someone else has,
men always want it till they have it. Women covet what other women have  - shoes, bags, clothes and sadly, men. On the other hand, men want the diva, the drama queen, the vixen, but as soon as they have the woman and she shows her true sweet side, they don't want it anymore :-)

Cliches are sweet and romantic for a reason. I wonder if we've become so jaded that we find reasons to not enjoy the obvious and find reasons to ruin what we have just to shake things up?  My friend recently posted a status on facebook ' If your relationship status is 'It's complicated', maybe its time to stop kidding uourself and change it to 'Single'. At the time, I thought it was just funny, but now I realize, its the most simple, true logic ever. If your relationship still feels 'complicated' after a while, maybe it is time to stop kidding yourself.

I need space as well. But, thats because I was recently at my friend's house in her king sized bed and now I have to come back to my queen sized one :-)

Marriage Material

I recenty attended my best friend's wedding in India and something kind of funny happened. I entered the reception and seeing my friend standing by the stage, I headed towards him and said Hi. He was in conversation with another guy and as soon as I showed up, he immediately turned to him and said
"Oh yeah, this is the girl I was telling you about."
I continue to stare with a pleasant smile since I wasn't quite sure what there was to tell about me.
Gladly, my friend cleared that up
"She's the single one."
Ohhhhhh. Thats what there was to tell. Silly me, I didn't realize it was normal to tell complete strangers about the fact that I wasn't married. How about the fact that I wasn't really groom-hunting?

Lately, pretty much all my friends seem to be heading down this joyous road and they absolutely want me to have the same joy they have, bless all of them.

I'm going to skip the part with the cliched uncles and overbearing aunts who want to know when you plan to do it and when they could wink wink dance at your wedding. Seriously, just for that I will not get married. Coz to see you dance would be more torture than to be single.

Being in my late 20s, (At some point I realized I could not pass off 26 as "mid" anymore) with all my girlfriends married puts pressure on me to be the next one. Society, media, parents, friends, and sadly, I do too. It's easy to get caught up and feel insecure about your life. Somehow, that one question combined with the right look just makes all your other accomplishments feel insignificant.

Interestingly, I have heard a variety of reasons for which I choose to be not married. Here are the top 3:

1. I am not the marrying kind. Yes, seriously. I have friends who tell me they don't see me as the marrying kind. Great, so basically, they don't see me stable, happy and commited. Excellent reason.
2. Right now, I'm just at a place in my life where I don't want to be tied down. Well, you seem to have gotten over it.
3. I am so strong and independent, I don't need a man. Amen to that. I definitely don't need a man, I just want one.

My friends have advice on meeting men, being on your best behaviour and doing the very best you can to get a Yes. My question is, why am I waiting for a Yes? Who decided that I am selling and men are buying? Why is it up to the women to make a case and for men to decide whether it's a win or a loss?

So in addition to the questions and impromptu matchmaking, theres also a lot of thoughts on why we choose to be..the way we are. Well, people, from me and all the other single ladies..

The reason I am not married is not because I don't want to be tied down.
Not because I am strong and independent.
And definitely not because I am not the marrying kind.

This post is not a rant or some subtle attack at married people. I love married people, infact people are people whether they are single or married, I like some, I dislike some. Also, I am not a man hating lesbian who is out to bust balls.

The reason I am not married yet is because I want to choose the right man and I want to decide the right time. It's as simple as that.

Coz, honestly, I am the marrying kind.

Technology for death?

A few days ago, I read this article on MSN - how there are pay-per-view funeral webcasts for friends and family who can't be there in person to attend the ceremony. I am extremely tech-friendly, but is this going too far? Or is it a convenient, efficient way for people who can't be there in person to mourn?

I've been involved with technology for over 6 years now, but things like this still amaze me and don't exactly leave me saying Woo-hoo, they've done it!

The company to launch this service is called Wesley Music and it went live online in Britain on Tuesday 04/01/08. They charge a one-time fee of $150 to access a funeral webcast.

My opinion is, that while it may serve beneficial to people scattered over the world, it will end up being used by people who don't need it. When was the last time you picked up a pen and paper to write a letter? One word: Email. Now, I'm not saying email is evil, hell, I love email, infact I even get emails from friends living on the East Coast who are too busy to call. :-).

The point is, that if something is online, people are not going to make the effort to do it otherwise. I use myself as an example; Everything from my phone bill to internet to gas and electricity is paid online. Hospitals even let you set up an account online where the doctor leaves his/her comments about your test and reports.

While I think that all these services are convenient, somehow I am unable to get over the idea of viewing a funeral online. It seems morbid and disrespectful, and I'm not sure whether it will serve the purpose it is supposed to.

In recent times, there has been an abundance of woman in lead television shows. I remember watching Xena (Remember Xena- the warrior princess?) where the hero of the series was a woman who was the epitome of strength and could use a bow and arrow better than any man. The more fun version of women empowerment was Sex and the city which totally began the trend of single women who could have it all – Jobs, power, money and men. And all this with Cosmopolitans and Jimmy Choos. And now there’s more – Lisptick Jungle and Cashmere Mafia which I watch religiously.

Now, I don’t know how realistic these shows are, but what stands out in all these shows is – The single women are always looking for the perfect man. The definition of perfect varies from one woman to another. For some women it’s a man who wants to settle down, for some it’s a man who lets his woman do what she wants and for some it’s a man who wants nothing more than she does.

But what about women who want more? I happen to notice a sudden surge of women who want more than what they have. On the surface, it looks like everything’s perfect. Does this make the woman a bad person for wanting more?

It just makes me curious. Is it the human tendency – The grass-is-greener-on-the-other-side syndrome or is it just that some women are out to get what they want and don’t want to settle for anything lesser?

Is it stupid to throw away something you have for something you're not sure you want? Or should we play safe?

We play safe with a lot of things in life - We pay more and get full car insurance, we stick with a job we don't like, we even look left and right before we cross the road. (I'm from California, we really DO cross only when we're supposed to)

When it comes to relationships, is it good to play it safe or take a risk?

Glamour

Reading is something that I always enjoyed, since I was little. Like every girl, I went through the whole Sweet Valley, Sweet Dreams and Mills & Boon phase. And then came the more fun phase of good books, deep thoughts and let’s not forget – light fiction!

I have never understood the concept of “It’s just a book”. For me, everything I read is so amazing, either it teaches you something, makes you think or most importantly gets you interested.

A really fun author in my opinion is Jackie Collins. Sure, she writes trash in a lot of people’s opinions – Sex and glamour and violence. But at 17, (and oh even now!), it was wonderful to read about coffee on Sunset Boulevard and living in hilltop houses on Hollywood and eating at Spago’s in Beverly Hills. I found it magical and exciting and thrilling.

Most importantly, I loved the characters in her book. The women in her novels were strong characters, bold and capable of doing anything.

At 21, I left my comfortable home in Bombay, India and went to University of Southern California, Los Angeles to obtain my Masters. The Los Angeles I lived in was very different from what I had read. The apartments were small and dirty and the neighborhood was unsafe. I paid $400 to share a 1 bedroom 1 bathroom apartment with 2 other girls.
As time passed and I settled down, I explored Los Angeles. I saw the beautiful LA skyline and the Hollywood sign and my most unforgettable moment -The moment I drove down Sunset Boulevard. We stopped at Peet’s Coffee and Tea and sat outside drinking coffee. I felt so good. I felt familiar in a land of unknown.

Recently, I was at San Jose international airport waiting for my flight to board. I found a nice corner, put my bags next to me and took out my latest Jackie Collins purchase - Lovers and Players and started reading it. Across me, I saw an older woman, sitting there, looking at me disapprovingly. I saw her look at the novel and back at me with pursed up lips.

I found it hilarious at the time and merely continued reading my novel, but later it made me think and therefore, this entry.

Why is writing about sex and Hollywood shocking? Are we really shocked about what we read or do we believe we should be reading something better?

In my opinion (and this is just my opinion), light fiction and “trashy” novels are highly underrated. Like I said before, anything that provokes interest cannot be completely bad. Somewhere along the way, I believe you will experience something that you will relate to something you read, and if not – Well, it was a good novel that kept you occupied!