Marriage Material

I recenty attended my best friend's wedding in India and something kind of funny happened. I entered the reception and seeing my friend standing by the stage, I headed towards him and said Hi. He was in conversation with another guy and as soon as I showed up, he immediately turned to him and said
"Oh yeah, this is the girl I was telling you about."
I continue to stare with a pleasant smile since I wasn't quite sure what there was to tell about me.
Gladly, my friend cleared that up
"She's the single one."
Ohhhhhh. Thats what there was to tell. Silly me, I didn't realize it was normal to tell complete strangers about the fact that I wasn't married. How about the fact that I wasn't really groom-hunting?

Lately, pretty much all my friends seem to be heading down this joyous road and they absolutely want me to have the same joy they have, bless all of them.

I'm going to skip the part with the cliched uncles and overbearing aunts who want to know when you plan to do it and when they could wink wink dance at your wedding. Seriously, just for that I will not get married. Coz to see you dance would be more torture than to be single.

Being in my late 20s, (At some point I realized I could not pass off 26 as "mid" anymore) with all my girlfriends married puts pressure on me to be the next one. Society, media, parents, friends, and sadly, I do too. It's easy to get caught up and feel insecure about your life. Somehow, that one question combined with the right look just makes all your other accomplishments feel insignificant.

Interestingly, I have heard a variety of reasons for which I choose to be not married. Here are the top 3:

1. I am not the marrying kind. Yes, seriously. I have friends who tell me they don't see me as the marrying kind. Great, so basically, they don't see me stable, happy and commited. Excellent reason.
2. Right now, I'm just at a place in my life where I don't want to be tied down. Well, you seem to have gotten over it.
3. I am so strong and independent, I don't need a man. Amen to that. I definitely don't need a man, I just want one.

My friends have advice on meeting men, being on your best behaviour and doing the very best you can to get a Yes. My question is, why am I waiting for a Yes? Who decided that I am selling and men are buying? Why is it up to the women to make a case and for men to decide whether it's a win or a loss?

So in addition to the questions and impromptu matchmaking, theres also a lot of thoughts on why we choose to be..the way we are. Well, people, from me and all the other single ladies..

The reason I am not married is not because I don't want to be tied down.
Not because I am strong and independent.
And definitely not because I am not the marrying kind.

This post is not a rant or some subtle attack at married people. I love married people, infact people are people whether they are single or married, I like some, I dislike some. Also, I am not a man hating lesbian who is out to bust balls.

The reason I am not married yet is because I want to choose the right man and I want to decide the right time. It's as simple as that.

Coz, honestly, I am the marrying kind.

Technology for death?

A few days ago, I read this article on MSN - how there are pay-per-view funeral webcasts for friends and family who can't be there in person to attend the ceremony. I am extremely tech-friendly, but is this going too far? Or is it a convenient, efficient way for people who can't be there in person to mourn?

I've been involved with technology for over 6 years now, but things like this still amaze me and don't exactly leave me saying Woo-hoo, they've done it!

The company to launch this service is called Wesley Music and it went live online in Britain on Tuesday 04/01/08. They charge a one-time fee of $150 to access a funeral webcast.

My opinion is, that while it may serve beneficial to people scattered over the world, it will end up being used by people who don't need it. When was the last time you picked up a pen and paper to write a letter? One word: Email. Now, I'm not saying email is evil, hell, I love email, infact I even get emails from friends living on the East Coast who are too busy to call. :-).

The point is, that if something is online, people are not going to make the effort to do it otherwise. I use myself as an example; Everything from my phone bill to internet to gas and electricity is paid online. Hospitals even let you set up an account online where the doctor leaves his/her comments about your test and reports.

While I think that all these services are convenient, somehow I am unable to get over the idea of viewing a funeral online. It seems morbid and disrespectful, and I'm not sure whether it will serve the purpose it is supposed to.

In recent times, there has been an abundance of woman in lead television shows. I remember watching Xena (Remember Xena- the warrior princess?) where the hero of the series was a woman who was the epitome of strength and could use a bow and arrow better than any man. The more fun version of women empowerment was Sex and the city which totally began the trend of single women who could have it all – Jobs, power, money and men. And all this with Cosmopolitans and Jimmy Choos. And now there’s more – Lisptick Jungle and Cashmere Mafia which I watch religiously.

Now, I don’t know how realistic these shows are, but what stands out in all these shows is – The single women are always looking for the perfect man. The definition of perfect varies from one woman to another. For some women it’s a man who wants to settle down, for some it’s a man who lets his woman do what she wants and for some it’s a man who wants nothing more than she does.

But what about women who want more? I happen to notice a sudden surge of women who want more than what they have. On the surface, it looks like everything’s perfect. Does this make the woman a bad person for wanting more?

It just makes me curious. Is it the human tendency – The grass-is-greener-on-the-other-side syndrome or is it just that some women are out to get what they want and don’t want to settle for anything lesser?

Is it stupid to throw away something you have for something you're not sure you want? Or should we play safe?

We play safe with a lot of things in life - We pay more and get full car insurance, we stick with a job we don't like, we even look left and right before we cross the road. (I'm from California, we really DO cross only when we're supposed to)

When it comes to relationships, is it good to play it safe or take a risk?

Glamour

Reading is something that I always enjoyed, since I was little. Like every girl, I went through the whole Sweet Valley, Sweet Dreams and Mills & Boon phase. And then came the more fun phase of good books, deep thoughts and let’s not forget – light fiction!

I have never understood the concept of “It’s just a book”. For me, everything I read is so amazing, either it teaches you something, makes you think or most importantly gets you interested.

A really fun author in my opinion is Jackie Collins. Sure, she writes trash in a lot of people’s opinions – Sex and glamour and violence. But at 17, (and oh even now!), it was wonderful to read about coffee on Sunset Boulevard and living in hilltop houses on Hollywood and eating at Spago’s in Beverly Hills. I found it magical and exciting and thrilling.

Most importantly, I loved the characters in her book. The women in her novels were strong characters, bold and capable of doing anything.

At 21, I left my comfortable home in Bombay, India and went to University of Southern California, Los Angeles to obtain my Masters. The Los Angeles I lived in was very different from what I had read. The apartments were small and dirty and the neighborhood was unsafe. I paid $400 to share a 1 bedroom 1 bathroom apartment with 2 other girls.
As time passed and I settled down, I explored Los Angeles. I saw the beautiful LA skyline and the Hollywood sign and my most unforgettable moment -The moment I drove down Sunset Boulevard. We stopped at Peet’s Coffee and Tea and sat outside drinking coffee. I felt so good. I felt familiar in a land of unknown.

Recently, I was at San Jose international airport waiting for my flight to board. I found a nice corner, put my bags next to me and took out my latest Jackie Collins purchase - Lovers and Players and started reading it. Across me, I saw an older woman, sitting there, looking at me disapprovingly. I saw her look at the novel and back at me with pursed up lips.

I found it hilarious at the time and merely continued reading my novel, but later it made me think and therefore, this entry.

Why is writing about sex and Hollywood shocking? Are we really shocked about what we read or do we believe we should be reading something better?

In my opinion (and this is just my opinion), light fiction and “trashy” novels are highly underrated. Like I said before, anything that provokes interest cannot be completely bad. Somewhere along the way, I believe you will experience something that you will relate to something you read, and if not – Well, it was a good novel that kept you occupied!

Blogging is cool

I've been writing for a long time now and I usually like keeping my thoughts private or share them with a few close people.

Working in a technical field, ( a software tester, the geekiest of the geeks), I got trapped somewhere between creativity and automation :)

Anyway, I decided, to get to where I want, its time to start making changes and starting a blog is one of them.

I often find myself admiring people who are more open, more outgoing, and social. And I realized, what the hell, if I like something about them, why not be one of them.

So, that, I guess was my first post.