How direct is too direct?

I pride myself on being a straight shooter. I don't believe in being manipulative or bitchy or calculating while speaking to people.

However, I kinda draw the line at 'Hey-I-heard-you're-a-spoilt-rich-girl-but-since-you're-my-friend's-girlfriend-I-really-do-want-to-get-to-know-you-before-I-form-my-own-opinion'.

I'm going to try and be objective about this and sort of remove myself from this equation.

Hypothetically, lets consider you have a friend A. A is dating B. You have heard some rumors about B. So what do you do? You go warn A.

Here are a few pointers for executing this:

1. Go talk to A with an open mind. After all, you don't really know B. B could be a lovely person with a bad rep.
2.  Once A has talked to you and convinced you that B is nice, let it go.
3. You want to get to know B. After all, A ia a good friend of yours. You want to get to know the person in A's life. Fair enough.
4. Now here's an important one: As the first step to getting to know B, do not, and I repeat, do not, go to B and state all your doubts about whether B is really good for A or not and how you really need to make sure that A is making the right call by being with you and that you've heard a lot of rumors, but you don't judge.

That, my dear readers, is not the start of a beautiful friendship, but rather a strange confrontation with B left to defend herself. Or himself, whatever.

Now, what should B's move be?

Logically, nothing. B didn't do anything. B was just daydreaming about a nice vacation and Bvlgari sunglasses when the whole "big brother talk" happened.

However, B could be totally irrational about this and make a big deal. B could go lash out at A and make things uncomfortable.

The moral of this story is: You're entitled to have thoughts and feelings, but please think about who you express it to! Its totally fine to express some amount of verbal diarrhea with your close friends. But with someone you barely know? Definitely not. Making someone feel defensive is never a great start for anything. It makes the other person feel like they're doing something wrong. Of course you care about your friend and want to make sure he or she is making the right decision, but go talk to them about it, and keep an open mind after that. Dishing it out to the other person is a firm no-no. Its bound to cause resentment and spark an instant dislike and in some cases make them want to consume 50 dark chocolates to get over the weirdness of the whole conversation.

But I am a bigger person than B. I will continue to be my fabulous self and help myself to merely 20 dark chocolates :-)